The Arrogant Emu

Thought trigger: marriage and permanent attachment

Sometimes it occurs to me to regret that, in the words bellowed with such heartfelt empathy by Johnnies all over the dance floor, "Nobody cares for me!" But then I reflect: is that really what I want? Would I really be pleased if anyone should ever fall in love with me? The chances that it would be someone whose affections it would even occur to me to reciprocate are surely infinitesimally small, and it is simply vicious to wish for the misery of others for the mere purpose of flattering my own vanity.

Martin is sexy. He got Jess’s blog to work, plus he is a Mack-Daddy russian translator.

::hands Martin a wombat::

I want to sleep! to sleep more than to live.

But the novel calls.

Okay everyone. I want one giant blogos hug for Colin. He’s a brave man.

Our season of joy is here again! It is time to rejoice, and write bad poetry.

Meme away, meme away…

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
1: The dark
2: The unknown
3: Slopes

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
1: Dave Barry
2: Blackadder
3: Terry Pratchett

THREE THINGS I LOVE:
1: The smell of ammonia
2: My family
3: Potting

THREE THINGS I DON’T UNDERSTAND:
1: Sex
2: Electrodynamics
3: How airplanes stay up

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
1: A bag of instant Turkish coffee with cardamom
2: A sewing machine
3: About a dozen paper cranes
THREE THINGS I’M DOING RIGHT NOW:
1: Eating a matchbook
2: Working on a blognovel
3: Asking my roommate for help with the hard questions

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
1: Find a noble cause
2: Revolutionize the world
3: Eat Thai food

THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
1: Analyze Utena at length
2: Write humourous parody-type stories
3: Drive stick

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
1: "Do it yourself, the hard way"
2: "Out Popped An Emu"
3: Aggressively introspective

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY LOOKS:
1: Sturdy
2: Like a Dostoevyskian Russian woman just past her prime
3: Subtly asymmetrical

THREE THINGS I CAN’T DO:
1: Reverse motions in my head
2: Make chocolate mousee with Skinner’s drink-mixer
3: Relate easily to most people

THREE THINGS I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO:
1: Other people
2: Klezmer
3: Homer in the original

THREE THINGS I DON’T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
1: The majority of television programs
2: Talk shows
3: Alarm clocks

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
1: "I think…"
2: "I am annoyed."
3: "…fall over and die."

THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
1: Sushi!
3: The Best Bread in the World, otherwise known as dill batter bread
2: Gelato

THREE THINGS YOU’D LIKE TO LEARN:
1: Fresco! Properly, I mean.
2: Car repair
3: Linguistics

THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
1: Water
2: Tapwater tea in a variety of kinds
3: Juice That Is Orange, courtesy of Cafe Randal.

THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
None! My family had a copy of a video about the Constitutional Convention, and we watched that into the ground, but I didn’t watch TV! At all! Except for the News Hour when I got a bit older, so maybe that counts.

Bugger Brad.

I should probably hold off on complaining about this until the blognovel is over, but hey, those who are following it are also following my story of the writing of it. I say that without question the largest unexpected difficulty in writing this is the slug-buggered Brandon Lee.

How difficult should it be to write a perfectly self-centered blog? That’s the trait of his in blogging that loomed largest in my mind, and the trait that was necessary to have it work in with the rest of the story. Already the biggest problem that this difficult is causing is showing prominently: he says least of all the fictional bloggers. Someone like Brad will blog a lot once he gets started blogging at all, and I just don’t have enough things to say for him.

If I had more time to work on him, maybe. But I don’t even like him enough to want to put that much effort into him! Ideally he should not be a cipher of dislikeability, just a somewhat silly young man with a lot of growing up to do - but without enough my taking enough trouble to make him human in spite of himself, he’s just - well, you see what he is.

The difficulty is, his character fits in well and is necessary to the story - although with the blognovel, there isn’t any distinction between character and story. His intended character in blogging (that is, extended, confessional, and somewhat-self-centered) drives Theodora into a quiet frenzy of hatred - his blog finds itself representing to her everything that she fears about being anything other than indirect, while at the same time, if offers her all the insight she could possibly want into someone’s soul. His character sets off that of Dylan - the latter aggressively self-effacing, trustful, and very concerned with the blogos as a whole, the former virtually unaware of the possibilities of blog use for interchange, and yet both of them unconsciously arrogant. He and Andrew are very much alike - both taking their blogs as a ‘an outlet for their unbridled egotism’ - but part of the story is simply the question silently presented: why do they strike the reader so differently, if they do at all?

So, his idea is there! But his substance refuses to follow. Buggre Alle This.

Wow. Blognovelling for about six hours straight. At least I’ve gotten most of this upcoming week finished, and stuff posted to cover me until Wednesday. That’s one of the problems with having to identify so closely with a character, having to write as that person - things that are difficult for them to write are difficult for you to write. Anyway, major plot developments this week, if one can really speak of plot in such an odd novel as this is.

Now to finish my Hodson forms and go to bed. Still feverish! Why should that be? I do not know. Must print out my essay to give to my tutor tomorrow!

Song of an Introvert

I slept for 13 hours straight last night, which you would think would be enough to be able to face a 2 1/2 hour alumni reception. Apparently it’s not, because what I want to do now is sleep ("to sleep more than to live!").

Once again my introverted character is confirmed: parties where one is obligated to ‘mingle’ drain all my internal resources to the extent that my head spins and my ears ring and I want to hide under a table. This happens in the dining hall too: the noise gets louder and louder, sounds that should be words, and that you know were words once but are now mere noise, which builds in crescendo after crescendo, until it begins to sound to my ears like music from some perverse orchestra.

But would I find this so draining if I didn’t expect something else out of conversation? If I could see it as work, and then go home and converse with myself: you and I, Katherine, we trust each other, we are allies no matter what. Instead, I have to wear my inside on my outside, and my outside has to hang there beside it. Other people - I hate you as much as I love you, on account of your being outside me.

I cannot endure this patchy existence! There you all are: you, who I trust, and you, who I don’t, and you, who will talk to me whether I want you to or not, and you who won’t. You whom I would like to associate with and can’t, and you who associate with me perforce. Oh that I could destroy you all, and start again with a smooth and impenetrable exterior, with the inside on the inside, and the outside on the outside!

I’m feeling somewhat better (thanks for your good wishes!) I’m a bit feverish, but only of the low-grade variety. And my headache had abated to the point where it feels like a bolt through my head, and bolts are not too bad.

Must sleep now. Major work on bloglet novel tomorrow. Must not allow myself to slack off. One excuse breeds another.

Also I have to write a five-page paper by monday on what poetry is. I have little enthusiasm for this assignment, and I can’t say it was assigned with much enthusiasm, either.

A list. (I have given Karen my fondness for making lists)

Steal 1 cup worth of sugar from the dining hall
Storyblog for the next week (then sit back and relax)
Attend career forum
Complete Hodson application by Monday (the parts that I can)
Complete and mail off Walters application by Monday (letters of recommendation to be sent separately.)
Meet tutor for lunch on Monday noon. (Ask for recommendation? Must decide before Monday)
Walk to Grauls, buy eggs, and chocolate
Make chocolate mousse
Have seminar party. (must do reading in there somewhere. Bugger, I should have bought that today)